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We spent a lot of Aidan’s first year and a half in relative isolation.  He was, after all, a 28 weeker that had been vented for 7 weeks and was coming home on oxygen in December.  Any parent of a preemie that had lung issues will relate to how scared you are of RSV and other nasty germs when you are finally bringing your precious little bundle home. 

So we had really strict rules about Aidan’s exposure.  He was on oxygen from when he came home to mid May.  He was receiving monthly shots of Synagis to help him weather the effects of RSV a little better if he contracted it.  This vaccine was not a preventative vaccine, but rather one that hopefully minimizes the ill effects of RSV.  The only places I think I took Aidan for his first few months of life were his pediatrician for check-ups and Synagis shots, his pulmonologist a couple of times, and physical therapy. 

Some people reading this may be really wondering about how germ crazy we were.  I know it sounds nuts to those that have not been there.  But in all seriousness, we were told in no uncertain terms that babies like Aidan can be put back on a ventilator or possibly die from RSV.  Exposure to other children in these times was out of the question.  Kids simply carry way too many germs, and the ones they do carry are usually more virulent than ones adults carry.

We didn’t go to anybody else’s house and anybody that came to ours had to be germ free for at least 7-10 days and nobody in their house could currently be ill.  Then, upon arrival, they were greeted and taken to the sink to wash their hands.  Hand sanitizer was in abundance and our guests (for the most part) seemed understanding about our restrictions.

In the summer, we could be more relaxed.  Kind of.  Aidan got his first bad cold in June of that year and had been off oxygen for about a month.  Here we were, in summer, and it was bad.  A couple of ER trips, some breathing treatments, and eventually a few day hospital stay with some oral steroids and oxygen.  At this point his pediatrician put Aidan on Flovent to “keep his lungs in check” and help him be better able to weather a cold without steroids and oxygen.  It worked.  Aidan got a couple of colds that summer and needed some breathing treatments, but no oral steroids, no hospital visits, and no oxygen.

Then in October of 2006 we went on lockdown again.  Aidan’s birthweight, gestation at birth, and lungs meant one more winter of Synagis and one more winter of being a little isolationist.  Aidan did get several colds that winter, but managed them all pretty well.

By May of 2007, I was really tired of being isolated and Aidan’s pulmonologist had discharged us!  I could hardly believe it.  She said Aidan’s lungs look “great” and she had no reason to see us.  She said his growth had helped him tremendously.  We had been expecting to see her for at least a couple more years.  Finally we got the OK to join a playgroup.  Aidan got lots of colds from this, but I figured it was par for the course since he had not had much germ exposure.  We have continued in the gym style playgroup to this day.  This winter I added an inflatable play place to the repertoire, so that we are doing social things with kids his age at least twice a week.

 The double edged sword is this.  The very behavior that kept Aidan and his lungs protected is what is doing us in now.  He is getting a lot of germ exposure that other kids his age already have degrees of immunity to.  So he is in this mode where he will be sick for a few days, well for a few days or a week or two, and then get something again.

 This time it’s a doozy of a stomach bug.  He is going on 5 days of runny you-know-what.  Actually runny is being complimentary.  I’d say “gushing” is more apt.  The poor little bug has a constant fever cycling between about 101 at good points in the day to 103-104 at the bad ones.  He is handling it like a champ though.  If I had spent the last few days sweating through my pajamas and having….err…no control, I would be in a foul mood.  But he just seems interested in being loved and getting cuddles. 

He is taking his first nap in 5 days where he is not attached to me.  I feel like I have temporarily shed my tumor. 

The positive things I take from all of this?

1.  Aidan is really strong now.  Sure he gets some illnesses, but he bounces back like a champ.  It is wonderful to see his immune system doing its job!

2.  I get a break from chasing him! 

3.  This doesn’t rattle me anymore.  That is seriously a great feeling.  It doesn’t rattle me to see him get sick.  Sure, I don’t like it.  But I don’t feel that crazy, gnawing fear in the pit of my stomach anymore. 

In fact, dare I say, I have become downright relaxed.  About 3 weeks ago, we all went to a local pizza place.  THE best pizza EVER!  There was a play table with a lego train set on it and a Fisher Price garage.  Do you know that Aidan was playing with that thing for over 10 minutes before my husband complimented me on how relaxed I was about the (probably never cleaned off) toys.  And you know what?  I hadn’t thought about it!  Maybe that makes me crazy.  Or maybe I am finally getting some sanity and peace.