beautifulinmyeyes.net

Now that I have been in the blogosphere for a while, I have had the opportunity to stumble across a lot of different blogs.  One blog I like links to another blog and so on.  I have read a fair number of blogs recently that are authored by midwives or mothers who are anti-cesarean and pro natural childbirth.  Mostly these blogs talk about a more natural approach to childbirth.  No problem there.  I think a more natural approach is a wonderful goal.  I had that goal myself. 

I have two major objections to some of what I have been reading.  The first is the idea that all cesarean sections can be avoided. 

The cesarean rate in the US is too high at nearly 31%.  I doubt I could even find anybody that would dispute that.  I am not even sure there is a way to figure out what an expected cesarean rate would be if only medically necessary cesareans were performed.  I guess a rudimentary place to start would be to begin with the fact that 1 of 8 babies born in the US is premature.  I wonder how many of those babies were medically necessary cesareans.  Half?  A lot of preemie moms I know went into labor that could not be stopped.  But I also know a lot who developed severe pre-e progressing to eclampsia or HELLP.  And mothers whose babies were in severe fetal distress and needed immediate delivery.

In my case, my death and my son’s death without a cesarean on the night he was born was not only a possibility but a certainty.  I had developed Class I HELLP syndrome.  My liver was enlarged and threatening rupture.  Aidan was starting to have some decelerations.  The lab tests run on my blood even after Aidan was born were alarming…my liver values were through the roof and my platelets were all but nonexistent.  This is a classic case of a necessary cesarean.  I was only 28 weeks pregnant and waiting for an induction of labor would have killed us both.

The second objection to some of what I have been reading is the ridiculous notion that having a cesarean section means you didn’t give birth.  A quote taken from a blog I recently read stated the following, “Cesarean section surgery (notice I do not call it “birth”) is the number one surgery performed in the United States, and that number is growing. ”

I felt hurt and angry as I read this and other similar statements on other blogs.  What on earth is the purpose of saying something like this?  Is it to give some women a “wake-up call” regarding unnecessary cesareans?  If it is…I am not sure it will really do the trick.  You see, I think any woman who has an unnecessary cesarean is either uninformed or coerced.  I am not sure you fix either situation by guilting a mother regarding the way her baby came into the world.  Most women would be more persuaded by hard data, such as the fact that lung issues are more prevalent in cesarean babies.

What you have done for sure when you make such a ludicrous statement as “a cesarean is not birth” is to further damage the psyche of women who really needed cesareans.  I think the thought that really stuck in my head as I read these ridiculous statements was this:

Why do other women feel the need to marginalize the birth of my son?  Or the birth of any child?

Is it a superiority complex?  Do these women really believe that the way our children came into the world reflects on our mothering abilities?  Is it the feeling of being supermom because they had an all natural birth?  I would like to believe they just never stopped to consider the feelings of mothers in situations such as mine. 

I applaud any woman who has the strength (and good fortune not to have a medical need for a cesarean) to give birth to a child with little to no intervention.  But, ladies, birth is only a snapshot in the lives of our children.  We have countless opportunities to don our supermom capes throughout our children’s lives.  I didn’t get to be supermom by having a natural birth.  I had a much more medicalized birth than I ever would have dreamed possible for myself.  My child had a much more medicalized beginning.  I have had countless other opportunities to prove what I am made of.  I supported my son through a 105 day NICU stay.  I protected his fragile health when he came home.  I pumped day and night for 9 months to get my son breastmilk.  I took him to physical therapy to watch over his development, to the pulmonologist to get the best care for his lungs, I quit my job to stay at home.  I could go on and on. 

I measure myself as a mother not by the WAY  my child came into the world, but the fact that he is here and thriving.  He is a boy full of laughter and curiosity.  He is fiercely attached to both Brandon and me.  We have had complete strangers comment on his love for us.  He amazes me each and every day of his life.  We didn’t get a normal or optimal birth experience.  But if I have learned anything in the last 2 1/2 years it is that there was never a truer cliche in my life than this:  “It’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do about it.”

Of course I gave birth to my son.  I prepared my body to sustain his existence.  I took immaculate care of myself.  I carried him to viability when many women with my condition miscarry.  I listened to my body and approached my doctors when things didn’t feel right.  I dismissed every moment of discomfort I had on hospital bedrest to provide more time for my son to gestate.  I sacrificed for him up until the moment of his birth.  I was willing to allow myself to get sicker and sicker so long as it provided him more time in my womb. 

I have every right to be proud of the birth of my son.  When I talk to him about the day of his birth it will not be with regret and shame.  I have nothing to be ashamed of.  I did everything humanly possible for the well being of my child.  I do this every day.  This is the measure of a mother…..not just the birth experience.