Comments on: Only You http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/archives/63 Happenings of Aidan with musings by his lucky parents Tue, 06 Jan 2009 09:44:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: Lori http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/archives/63#comment-153 Lori Tue, 12 Feb 2008 20:56:15 +0000 http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/archives/63#comment-153 Abby: It is strangely comforting to hear that other good couples experience these things when they bring home a preemie. I cannot imagine what you and Sharon have endured with the loss of Olivia and then worrying over Hallie as well. You know, I think there is a double edged sword to the knowing/not knowing piece of why they are early. In one way I am glad I know because unsolved puzzles bug the crap out of me. :-) Plus we can make an informed choice in terms of whether or not to have another. The downside for me anyway is that since I knew that the reason for Aidan's prematurity was a problem with my body, I went through a period of intense guilt over his early birth. But it has always been a little comforting to know the reason. I can only imagine how discomforting it is not to have any idea why your girls came early. Hugs! You and Sharon do such a wonderful job with Hallie. You two always give me inspiration. :-) Abby:

It is strangely comforting to hear that other good couples experience these things when they bring home a preemie. I cannot imagine what you and Sharon have endured with the loss of Olivia and then worrying over Hallie as well.

You know, I think there is a double edged sword to the knowing/not knowing piece of why they are early. In one way I am glad I know because unsolved puzzles bug the crap out of me. :-) Plus we can make an informed choice in terms of whether or not to have another. The downside for me anyway is that since I knew that the reason for Aidan’s prematurity was a problem with my body, I went through a period of intense guilt over his early birth.

But it has always been a little comforting to know the reason. I can only imagine how discomforting it is not to have any idea why your girls came early.

Hugs! You and Sharon do such a wonderful job with Hallie. You two always give me inspiration. :-)

]]> By: abby http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/archives/63#comment-151 abby Tue, 12 Feb 2008 17:08:55 +0000 http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/archives/63#comment-151 I so know where you are coming from on all of these issues. I think we're now only beginning to come out of the trenches with Hallie (though there are obviously still good days and bad ones) and beginning to repair ourselves as a couple and as a family. The kind of devastation that prematurity (or at least microprematurity) visits upon a couple is astounding. We were great through the NICU days, and through all of the really hard stuff at the beginning (or at least as great as one can be through the loss of one child and the near loss of the other), but things were extremely difficult for that first year, even year and a half at home. I think that it's essential that we all prioritize our kids the way we do (and I suppose that this is a variation, just more intense, of what all new parents go through), but it takes a toll on a good relationship. And as you put it so well, that relationship needs work and hopefully we'll all get through this intact, and hopefully even stronger. So of course it scares the bejeezus out of me that a second pregnancy might end up like the first and result in another baby who comes way too early (and who may have more issues than Hallie does). Nothing frightens me more than that possibility. And, in our case, not knowing why the girls came early leaves a lot of stuff up in the air in a way that is exceedingly discomforting. So, in a word, your post really struck a note with me when I read it for the first time last night and again today. I so know where you are coming from on all of these issues. I think we’re now only beginning to come out of the trenches with Hallie (though there are obviously still good days and bad ones) and beginning to repair ourselves as a couple and as a family. The kind of devastation that prematurity (or at least microprematurity) visits upon a couple is astounding. We were great through the NICU days, and through all of the really hard stuff at the beginning (or at least as great as one can be through the loss of one child and the near loss of the other), but things were extremely difficult for that first year, even year and a half at home. I think that it’s essential that we all prioritize our kids the way we do (and I suppose that this is a variation, just more intense, of what all new parents go through), but it takes a toll on a good relationship. And as you put it so well, that relationship needs work and hopefully we’ll all get through this intact, and hopefully even stronger. So of course it scares the bejeezus out of me that a second pregnancy might end up like the first and result in another baby who comes way too early (and who may have more issues than Hallie does). Nothing frightens me more than that possibility. And, in our case, not knowing why the girls came early leaves a lot of stuff up in the air in a way that is exceedingly discomforting. So, in a word, your post really struck a note with me when I read it for the first time last night and again today.

]]> By: Lori http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/archives/63#comment-144 Lori Tue, 12 Feb 2008 04:57:31 +0000 http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/archives/63#comment-144 Thanks Lindsey. The marriage really is the part most people don't watch out for and don't protect in stressful times. I know we didn't do our best. It is so easy to focus only on the things happening with our preemies and neglect our partner. I am just glad we caught that we were not giving our marriage the effort it deserved. A lot of people just continue to let it happen. Your boys are cuter than ever!! Thanks Lindsey. The marriage really is the part most people don’t watch out for and don’t protect in stressful times. I know we didn’t do our best. It is so easy to focus only on the things happening with our preemies and neglect our partner. I am just glad we caught that we were not giving our marriage the effort it deserved. A lot of people just continue to let it happen.

Your boys are cuter than ever!!

]]> By: Lindsey http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/archives/63#comment-143 Lindsey Tue, 12 Feb 2008 02:59:22 +0000 http://beautifulinmyeyes.net/archives/63#comment-143 This post brought tears to my eyes. You are very blessed! You are SO right about the marriage part. I think most people don't want to hear about it because they think since the baby lived everything should just be great and that the stress should have erased itself. Thanks for sharing! This post brought tears to my eyes. You are very blessed! You are SO right about the marriage part. I think most people don’t want to hear about it because they think since the baby lived everything should just be great and that the stress should have erased itself.

Thanks for sharing!

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