beautifulinmyeyes.net

I know…an odd title, but stay with me and you will understand. 

Women are just not very supportive of each other and it makes me angry and sad.  Being a good mother is so hard and I am finding that in general this is not a supportive club.  Or perhaps I am looking in the wrong places.  I have recently enrolled Aidan in a gym class once a week and a music class once a week.  The age ranges of the kids in these classes is anywhere from 1 1/2 to a little over 3 years old.  Aidan has a GREAT time at these places.  He is not quite content yet to sit and do what the class instructor tells him at all times, which is fine with them (I have had conversations with them).  He will join some of the group activities but generally prefers to run around and explore.  Mind you, he is not the only child to do this.  Most of the “outliers” are boys and around the lovely age of 2. 

These classes are really Aidan’s first recurring social exposure to kids his own age.  We had to be so careful for his first two years due to RSV, his BPD, and just being a micropreemie. 

The thing that has made me upset in watching a couple of the mothers in these classes is that they sit and critique the other children, drawing comparisons to their own, and gossipping like junior high school girls.  I caught a couple of them a couple of weeks ago watching Aidan run around and swing from the uneven bars in delight.  Instead of noticing what an active, happy child he was, I heard a comment about ADHD.  Excuse me, WHAT?  He is 2 years old and a boy for heavens sake.  Since when do we expect our 2 year old children, especially boys to sit still?  When did it become a crime to be boy-like?  I wonder if this doesn’t have something to do with the fact that a ridiculous number of children (boys especially) are being over-diagnosed with ADHD.

I talked to my MIL that day (what a great lady) who calmed me down and reminded me that these classes are for Aidan’s learning and enjoyment and I shouldn’t care what the junior high school girls think.  She is right.  I shouldn’t.  She also told me that if the diagnosis of ADHD had been so loose and free 30 something years ago, my hubby probably would have been diagnosed.  Did he need to be?  Nope.  He was being a curious 2 year old boy just like our son. 

Ironically, I received some sweet, albeit private revenge.  One of the women’s daughters was playing on some climbing mats with my son.  They were both doing somersaults and enjoying each other.  As the little girl notices that I am somersaulting with them and having a great time with Aidan, she pulls my pant leg.  She asks me, “Please watch me.  Nobody ever watches what I do.”

I smiled inside and thought, “Now that is something no other mother will hear my son say.” 

 Why can’t women just enjoy their children?  Why the need to bring competitiveness into an arena where understanding and support belongs?  This need to undercut one another makes me sad and angry.  Almost upset enough not to go.

Instead I choose to go to these classes, enjoy my son, and realize that these poor misguided souls are missing out on some beautiful moments with their children and they are pitifully stuck at the social age of 13.