beautifulinmyeyes.net

I sent this email on 9/4/05.  Our beautiful baby boy had dropped to his lowest weight of 1lb 3 oz.  But he was “acting” more like a 28 weeker and was dodging most of the major bullets.  I think I was still in shock to a certain degree, but was feeling good about Aidan’s prospects and keeping my chin up.

Hi all!

Brandon has done a wonderful job of keeping you all up to date on the health of Aidan and I over the last few weeks.

It seems I will most likely be released from the hospital tomorrow, but of course little Aidan has some growing to do in here before we can take him to his home.  The last weeks and especially recent days have been extremely taxing on all of us in the  family.  There are things that were very scary but also many joys and reason for hope.  Here are just a few:

1.  Through self-awareness and the doctor’s help I was able to somehow know that the night we delivered Aidan, I was progressing in to a very dangerous condition called HELLP.  This can be fatal to pregnant women if not halted early enough and the only “cure” is delivery of the baby.  My labs on my platelets and liver the next morning told the story.  We had delivered him at exactly the right time to maximize his growth and stop any permanent damage to either Aidan or myself.  My platelets were slipping low and my liver values had multiplied by over 5 times and if the baby was left in, it could have meant terrible things for the two of us.  The doctor was impressed at my body awareness and said it had made a huge difference in the outcome.

2.  The doctor, Dr. Gavrila, came in to deliver Aidan.  He was the one managing my condition literally by day.  Even when he was off and not even on call, he would show up and be the one to do the doppler studies on Aidan, go over the changing course of the treatment plan , etc.  I have never known a doctor to give so much of his personal time to a family when he could have let one of his colleagues who was actually on call on his off days handle us. 

3.  It will take time, but I am already on my way back to health as my bad lab values are self correcting and my  blood pressure is already dropped back to almost normal.

4.  I have a supportive, unwavering husband who was there for me and our son every step of the way through this and it has only confirmed for me what a wonderful decision I made in a husband and fatherl

5.  We have amazing friends and family who are/were willing to do whatever they could for us and it was/is such a huge help and source of support for us.

6.  MOST OF ALL……Aidan is doing extremely well.  Many things that the nurses do not expect a baby his age and weight to have are present.  Such as the determined way in which he moves his limbs.  He moves them with a purpose and not a flailing as most kids born at his gestational age.  He is strong.  His grip is very strong.  When laid on his stomach for a bit today, the nurse tried to pry one of his arms out from underneath him because it looked “uncomfortable”.  Well, he let her have it!  He grimaced and pushed himself up off his tummy with a combo of knees and arms for a few seconds. 

He has had several tests know for things often present in a baby born when he was.  There is a valve called a PDA which normally closes upon birth in full term babies and almost never does in preemies.  His is open and he is being given a med to close it.  His blood sugar is stable.  Another big hurdle is finding out if he had an IVH which is a bleed in the brain.  There are 4 different severities of this condition.  He will be screened again in a few weeks to be sure he doesn’t develop one, but surprisingly he has NO bleeding there.  Also unusual for his gestational age.

7.  Last but not least, I had my first moment of bonding on Thursday.  A nurse offered to let me help wash his scalp/hair.  She removed his little hat and glasses (he has been under lights for jaundice).  I blanketed him across his arms and chest with my left hand.  Babies like this feeling as it reminds them of being in the womb.  The nurse rinsed his head with warm water and gave me a bit of baby shampoo.  I began massaging his scalp and cleaning it, when Aidan curled his hand around part of mine and grasped me.  Then he opened his beautiful  little eyes and stared right at me.  He sighed  and I got to finish washing his hair.  I did this through tears of course, as the nurse told me that Aidan most likely knows I am his mommy just through touch, voice, and smell. 

As I go home tomorrow (without him…for now) it will be hard.  But I know he has amazing care here and he is SUCH a fighter with a strong spirit.  I am so proud.

Keep in touch!